I’ve been gone for over two years. When Obama was elected, I thought all hope was lost. Then the tea party happened. What a great way to be proven wrong.
Obama seems irritated, apathetic, and to have a strange restlessness to him (consider his absolute inability to stick with any particular message). It just so happens that these are common symptoms of drug addiction withdrawal – particularly cocaine. Some sufferers also report having strange repetitive dreams.
Obama admitted to cocaine use in his first autobiographical book. A friend of mine asked me recently how we knew he ever stopped. I suppose we don’t know if he ever did.
But, for sake of argument, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume that Obama did stop snorting cocaine. How long would the side effects last? Depending on how much he abused it, potentially YEARS.
Cocaine disrupts the body’s ability to absorb dopamine and other functions. In some situations, the effects can be permanent. It makes you wonder just how much his cocaine use affected him and in which ways. It also makes you wonder just much effect cocaine has over the most powerful office in the world – and our lives.
By now, you’ve probably heard of the anonymous McCain campaign staffers who trashed Palin, or the anonymous GOP governors who told CNN they secretly hated her, or the elves helping Santa who contacted the spirit of Teddy Roosevelt, who in turn showed up in Chris Mathews dreams informing him that Abe Lincoln had informed Teddy Roosevelt’s ghost that he didn’t liked what Sarah had done to his party. As luck would have it, it isn’t just the Republicans who secretly go undercover to validate the other party’s talking points, Democrats do it too. Exactly 598 former Obama staffers have contacted me anonymously with juicy damaging details about their former boss. Seem unrealistic? Would you believe 198? How about just 98? Ok, 3. I’m not going any lower than 3.
According to 3 anonymous Obama staffers, Obama:
Hates kittens and old people (see: John McCain)
Saw the intelligence briefs after winning the election and exclaimed, “Oh crap, what did I get myself into?!”
Originally planned to put “unconditional surrender to terrorists” as the headline for his foreign policy plan before staffers intervened.
Had a Karl Marx poster on his wall before Axelrod forced him to take it down.
Has only sold his body once.
Eats live babies for breakfast.
There you have it, the anonymous Obama staffers have spoken and given us the real dish on Obama. Now we just have to wait for the media to pick up on this story and report it like they did the other “anonymous” sources…….
Last week, “Joe the Plumber” asked Obama a question without the permission of the MSM. Truth squad investigators are still trying to figure out how Joe slipped into the group of Obama supporters undetected – wielding several concealed original thoughts – soon to be made illegal by Obama. In order to punish Joe for his heresy to The One, Obama Supporters and people outside of the media have launched a full-frontal smear campaign against Joe for his insolence.
Yesterday, Obama’s campaign encountered a technical error as Obama was unable to levitate off the stage as planned. At first, Obama blamed the sound guy, but soon it became clear that something known as the “law of gravity” was interfering with Obama’s planned levitation act. This has led a few cynical spectators to suggest that perhaps Obama can’t levitate at all. Obama’s supporters are launching a full-frontal attack on the so-called “law of gravity” for daring to expose Obama.
The NYT discovered that gravity had been involved with the McCain campaign for as far back as his piloting days. Indeed, the Times went so far as to speculate that gravity played a role in McCain becoming a POW – a powerful selling point in his campaign – by forcing his plane to the ground at an inopportune time.
HuffPo discovered that gravity has never payed taxes, and, worse still, does not even appear to be registered as a resident of the United States.
TheDailyKos has found that gravity fathered 13 illegitimate children in a giant bowl of crisco oil, was formerly a part time prostitute, is alleged to have raped a polar bear, has caused the deaths of untold non-flying animals that have fallen from trees, and isn’t voting for Obama.
MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann notes that gravity is not registered to vote even once, unlike Mickey Mouse, showing clear dispassion for voting for Obama. Keith also named gravity as the “worst person in the world”.
CNN had a headline declaring Obama the winner in his debate with gravity, until it was found that the two never officially debated. CNN formed a new headline accusing gravity of being too old to be of relevance.
Meanwhile, Obama gave a speech about unity and rising above partisan politics to the applause of his supporters.