By now, you’ve probably heard of the anonymous McCain campaign staffers who trashed Palin, or the anonymous GOP governors who told CNN they secretly hated her, or the elves helping Santa who contacted the spirit of Teddy Roosevelt, who in turn showed up in Chris Mathews dreams informing him that Abe Lincoln had informed Teddy Roosevelt’s ghost that he didn’t liked what Sarah had done to his party. As luck would have it, it isn’t just the Republicans who secretly go undercover to validate the other party’s talking points, Democrats do it too. Exactly 598 former Obama staffers have contacted me anonymously with juicy damaging details about their former boss. Seem unrealistic? Would you believe 198? How about just 98? Ok, 3. I’m not going any lower than 3.
According to 3 anonymous Obama staffers, Obama:
Hates kittens and old people (see: John McCain)
Saw the intelligence briefs after winning the election and exclaimed, “Oh crap, what did I get myself into?!”
Originally planned to put “unconditional surrender to terrorists” as the headline for his foreign policy plan before staffers intervened.
Had a Karl Marx poster on his wall before Axelrod forced him to take it down.
Has only sold his body once.
Eats live babies for breakfast.
There you have it, the anonymous Obama staffers have spoken and given us the real dish on Obama. Now we just have to wait for the media to pick up on this story and report it like they did the other “anonymous” sources…….
As a conservative, I’m getting quite sick of seeing Obama further desecrate the term, “Liberal”. The far-left has been pushing liberalism further and further to the fringe for decades, but Obama just took it on a giant leap. I’m equally sick of seeing my Liberal friends look at Obama and question their very core values simply because they share the label. Obama is not a Liberal.
Let me explain what I mean by that.
2 a: often capitalized : a movement in modern Protestantism emphasizing intellectual liberty and the spiritual and ethical content of Christianity b: a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usually based on free competition, the self-regulating market, and the gold standard c: a political philosophy based on belief in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, and the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.
See any Obama policies in there? Neither did I. But just in case, let’s take a closer look:
1. a movement in modern Protestantism emphasizing intellectual liberty and the spiritual and ethical content of Christianity
Nope. What religious path did Obama choose instead? Reverend Wright.
2. a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usually based on free competition, the self-regulating market, and the gold standard
This describes economic Liberals. In the U.S., conservatives are economically liberal. Needless to say, Obama is not a conservative. While he has flip flopped a total of 4 times (and counting) on free trade, untold times on taxes, his voting record has always been against free trade and for higher taxes.
3. a political philosophy based on belief in progress,
Obama made very clear in his historic speech on race that America was still full of racism. Obama isn’t just someone who “believes” in progress, he denies that it is possible when he’s looking right at it.
4. the essential goodness of the human race
Obama: “So it’s not surprising then that they [people in small towns] get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”
5. and the autonomy of the individual
I think Michelle Obama described her husband’s approach best: “Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed”.
And, from Obama’s own website:
Require 100 Hours of Service in College: Obama and Biden will establish a new American Opportunity Tax Credit that is worth $4,000 a year in exchange for 100 hours of public service a year.
6. standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.
Obama won’t even stand up for the lives of infants, let alone any of the issues he is supposedly for. How else can we explain his present votes on abortion and his claim that holding a concrete position on the subject is “above his pay grade”.
Indeed, how else can we explain any of his failures to fit with any of the many different possible forms of Liberalism except that he simply is NOT A LIBERAL.
So then, what is he? A socialist of the worst sort, and maybe, just maybe, the future leader of the free world. Let’s hope not.
You’ve probably heard the same new favorite myth of the Obama Supporters: that because youth rely on cell phones, they are drastically under-represented in the polls. If not, here are some examples of the myth:
Peter Dreier (Huffington Post, The Nation, etc):
Because so many young people rely on cell phones, they are undercounted in public opinion polls, which mainly survey people using home phone numbers.
John Baer (Philidelphia Daily News):
Realities of life: Older people tend to be home and answer the phone; younger people tend not to have landlines, and no one does cell-phone polling.
Carl Cannon (National Journal):
[Y]oung people are difficult to survey because so many of them lack “land line” telephones…..and, believe me, these young voters are living in Obama-land.
Gosh, these Obama Supporters sure sound certain of this theory! There’s only one problem – it isn’t true.
Results are based on telephone interviews with 1,015 national adults, aged 18 and older, conducted Sept. 15-16, 2008. For results based on the total sample of national adults, one can say with 95% confidence that the maximum margin of sampling error is ±3 percentage points.
Interviews are conducted with respondents on land-line telephones (for respondents with a land-line telephone) and cellular phones (for respondents who are cell-phone only).
In order to assess the possible bias in our landline samples, we periodically sample cellular telephone numbers and systematically compare the results from the cell phone sample with those from our landline samples. Our most recent analysis released in January 2008 The Impact of “Cell-Onlys” On Public Opinion Polling, indicates that when data from both the landline and cell samples are combined and weighted to match the U.S. population on selected demographic measures, the results for key political measures (such as presidential approval, Iraq policy, presidential primary voter preference, and party affiliation) are virtually identical to those from the landline survey alone.
The sort of wishful thinking that allows such delusions is disheartening. The Obamabots would do better just to face the facts.
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Of course, Biden tries to claim that it’s all “right-wingers” spewing sexist hatred towards Palin. How many people are going to believe that Olbermann or the Daily Kos is “right-wing”? There simply is no effective way for him to spin this, but it looks like he’ll try to anyways.
The following story was received by email from an aide within the Obama campaign:
As I sat in the Obama anti-Palin war room, the tv flickered with Palin’s fair face – eyes dancing between the two teleprompters. And she wouldn’t stop smiling. Attack after attack rang out against Obama, always smiling. She accused Obama of being inexperienced. She smiled. She implied he was ignorant. Still smiling. And damnit, it worked. The focus groups loved it.
A creeping sense of dread filled the air with every positive word she spoke. She was too nice and it was making us look bad. We had to do something and fast.
Obama broke the silence, “Ok, how do we attack her now?”
Axelrod spoke, “We tried attacking her on inexperience, that backfired and we had to retract, we attacked her kids, that backfired and we even had to pretend to have nothing to do with the Daily Kos.”
“I knew I should have never done that Kos debate”, Obama pouted.
“I don’t think attacking her record will work either, it’ll just make people look closer at yours Barry.” Axelrod thought deeply.
“Ugh, this makes me sick! She’s almost as good at speeches as I am! Jesus never had a sidekick, why must she tag along on my great speakingerness?” Obama, for the first time in two years, did not exude infinite self-confidence. It was an odd moment.
Michelle Obama had an idea though, “Ooh! Ooh! She’s a typical white person! I’ve got some great lines for attacking whi……”
“No thanks Michelle, we tried that already”, Obama interrupted.
“What if we attack her children some more?” an aide suggested.
“Once again, already been tried.” Obama was clearly becoming impatient now.
“Hmm. Ed Reskinsorkinson, what traits did the focus groups say they associated with Palin?” Axelrod must have had a plan.
“Hot. Really hot.”
“Other than that, Ed.” Axelrod was not amused.
“Well, her two biggest political traits, according to the focus groups are “competent” and “ethical”. In fact, over 78% of voters see her as……”
“Then those are the traits we’ll attack her on.” Axelrod said matter of factly. Obama nodded in agreement and Michelle went back to strangling a puppy.
I couldn’t keep it in any longer. They were about to make fools of themselves again, and I just wanted so BAD for hope and change and to be the one I’m waiting for that I couldn’t let them do it. Despite being an unimportant staffer, (my job was to hit the play button for the inspirational music whenever Obama entered a room at our HQ), I felt that my voice needed to be heard. So, as plainly, calmly, and politely as I could, I submitted my most humble opinion:
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F***ING MINDS?! Those are GOOD traits, the American people will never buy it!”
“Listen here young staffer, and listen good. My name is David Axelrod and I am a KINGMAKER. So let me explain how this works. You know how Obama gives a good speech? Most people consider that a plus, right? Republicans turned it against him by making it a bad thing and made several ads about it, like, The One, and Celebrity. And as for the American people not “buying” what we tell them, look at how many have ALREADY voted for Obama.”
He made some good points, but after having just put myself out there, and in front of the messiah, I knew I had to go all the way.
“That’s not going to work. You can’t spin competence. What are you going to say, that she’s TOO competent!?”
Obama’s face lit up, and soothing words left his mouth, “Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I like, uh, that, uh, one.”
“Brilliant! And with Rezko and Ayers, we can use the ethics issue to create contrast with Obama! We’ll make ethics into a bad thing, just like we did with low taxes, decreased spending, personal responsibility, flag pins, etc”, Axelrod intoned, “And we can say she’s an extremist too. Too extremely competent, too extremely ethical.”
Obama grinned and a holy light shone from his body, healing my genital warts.
Nervous staffers watching the meeting got to work immediately, drafting the new slogan, “Palin: Too competent and ethical to lead. Oh, and did we mention she’s a woman?”
Obama levitated out of the room and gleefully supervised speech writers making the words for his beloved teleprompters.
One speech writer turned to Obama and asked, “How does this sound: My fellow Americans, America cannot afford someone as ethical and competent as Sarah Palin. She’s an extremist on these positions. In fact, she doesn’t even hope for change.”
Obama laughed and smiled. His answer was clear. These attacks will be hitting the campaign any day now. As much affection as I have for Obama as a Lightworker with tender nipples, I simply cannot aid his campaign anymore in driving itself into the ground. I realize that when Obama made God so God could make the earth, God intended things differently than this. Maybe Obama needs to have a talk with God. I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m finished. So, I’m sharing with you my tale. Just please, whatever you do, don’t put it up on your blog.
(Obama Supporters, this is satire.)
5. They aren’t attacking McCain anymore. In fact, some are even making plans for beating in her 2012, as they’ve already written off 2008 as a Palin/McCain year.
4. They’re throwing everything they got to discredit her. All the major left-wing networks have sents teams of reporters to Alaska to find out everything they can about her. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t see her as a major threat.
3. They forgot to pretend to not hate women. Oops. Seems more than a few mysoginistic statements have been flying around, generally centering around the meme: A woman’s place is at home taking care of babies, not being vp!
2. They make things up to attack her on instead of relying on real, observable things, and then force themselves to believe those things are true. When you imagine something bad where there is nothing bad, that’s called “paranoia”.
1. They keep demanding McCain take her off the ticket because she’d be such a bad running mate. But wait, don’t they want to WIN the election? If she’s so bad, wouldn’t they want McCain to keep her on board so he’d lose? So, why the continuous demands she be dropped from the ticket?
Unbridled frothing terror.