Top six fun things to do when surrounded by Obama Supporters
I’m a political researcher. Instead of doing focus groups, I like to immerse myself in the people I’m studying. So, when it was time for me to do studies on Obama Supporters for the GOP, I went to Obama Supporter rallies, barbecues, get-togethers, you-name-its, etc. When I finished with my research at any one venue, I’d often find ways of entertaining myself at the expense of the Obama Supporters. Ideally, I aim to acheive the most looks of mixed horror/confusion on the faces of Obama Supporters as possible. This is a list of my top six favorites.
(Note: To try anything on this list, you will need to pretend to be a mindless drooling idiot (See: Obama Supporters) Thus, a certain degree of acting ability may be required.)
6. Use the word “hope” or “change” or some combination of the two at least 7 times in each sentence you utter. Example: “Hopefully, Hope and Change will change the hope of an Obama failure to Obama winning interhopeably changed.” Maintain the most serious expression possible and adopt a subtle intellectual droll.
5. Show up wearing old torn-up clothes. Tell them you represent the Obama support group, “Homeless for change”. Then, repeatedly demand change, preferably quarters, in a hoarse voice.
4. Print out a copy of this and ask them which part they belong to. Wholeheartedly and enthusiastically proclaim yourself to be a Yeswecan. Maintain that the author is being complimentary of Obama Supporters and argue if told otherwise. Make sure your eyes contain a glazed expression when you do to maximise the effect.
3. Outdo everyone with crazy conspiracy theories to explain Obama’s shortcomings. For example: When Obama failed miserably at the Saddleback, his supporters claimed that McCain had heard the whole exchange, which allowed him to answer so well. One-up them by claiming that Rove built a machine to stop time so that thousands of Republican researchers could analyze the questions and develop perfect answers while McCain memorized them while time was stopped. Then they hired aliens go back in time to replace Obama’s brain with a cabbage so he’d look like a fool while speaking without a teleprompter. Gradually increase your breathing as you tell each story while developing a twitch in the middle. Do your best to keep a straight face.
2. Enthusiastically argue for an Obama/Wright ticket.
1. Regardless of what is brought up in the meeting/discussion, denounce it as a “distraction” that “doesn’t help your children” and demand to discuss the “real issues”.