Obama Supporters smear law of gravity.

Last week, “Joe the Plumber” asked Obama a question without the permission of the MSM. Truth squad investigators are still trying to figure out how Joe slipped into the group of Obama supporters undetected –  wielding several concealed original thoughts – soon to be made illegal by Obama. In order to punish Joe for his heresy to The One, Obama Supporters and people outside of the media have launched a full-frontal smear campaign against Joe for his insolence.

Yesterday, Obama’s campaign encountered a technical error as Obama was unable to levitate off the stage as planned. At first, Obama blamed the sound guy, but soon it became clear that something known as the “law of gravity” was interfering with Obama’s planned levitation act. This has led a few cynical spectators to suggest that perhaps Obama can’t levitate at all. Obama’s supporters are launching a full-frontal attack on the so-called “law of gravity” for daring to expose Obama.

The NYT discovered that gravity had been involved with the McCain campaign for as far back as his piloting days. Indeed, the Times went so far as to speculate that gravity played a role in McCain becoming a POW – a powerful selling point in his campaign – by forcing his plane to the ground at an inopportune time.

HuffPo discovered that gravity has never payed taxes, and, worse still, does not even appear to be registered as a resident of the United States.

TheDailyKos has found that gravity fathered 13 illegitimate children in a giant bowl of crisco oil, was formerly a part time prostitute, is alleged to have raped a polar bear, has caused the deaths of untold non-flying animals that have fallen from trees, and isn’t voting for Obama.

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann notes that gravity is not registered to vote even once, unlike Mickey Mouse, showing clear dispassion for voting for Obama. Keith also named gravity as the “worst person in the world”.

CNN had a headline declaring Obama the winner in his debate with gravity, until it was found that the two never officially debated.  CNN formed a new headline accusing gravity of being too old to be of relevance.

Meanwhile, Obama gave a speech about unity and rising above partisan politics to the applause of his supporters.

Understanding the state of our economy for dummies.

The current economic state has been very confusing for many of us.  Despite coming from an economic background, I must admit that things have been confusing for me as well.  I’ve done my best to make sense of things, and, as simple as I can make it - this is how it is:

1.  Capitalism.  This is where we want to be.  Both traditional American Conservative and Liberal ideologies operate within the framework of capitalism.  Conservatives want to deregulate, Liberals want to increase government oversight.  But at the end of the day, it’s still capitalism.

2.  Good Socialism.  This is where the bailout bill is supposed to take us, if passed.  Supposedly, the bill will replace the bad Socialism the Dems running Freddie/Fannie are employing with good Socialism.

3.  Bad Socialism.  Since the 2006 elections, Democrats have been steadily nationalizing major industries, and then managing them poorly.

4.  Diluted Marxism.  Obama, DNC, Obama’s indoctrinated voters.

5.  Communism.  Obama’s friends, family, etc.

…

You’ve probably noticed the huge split in both parties on what to do about the financial crisis.  The reason for this is simple, each politician is essentially given two choices:

1.  Vote against my principles and potentially cause a new depression.

2.  Potentially allow a new depression to happen and vote against my principles.

Obama wants the bailout plan because it increases Socialism in the U.S.  McCain wants it because he understands that good Socialism is better than bad Socialism.  Ultimately, there is no good option in this.  In the long run, I think that the bailout plan will hurt us.  Smaller, less intrusive options may end up being more productive without allowing the further encroachment of socialism – even good socialism.

An Open Letter to RealClearPolitics.com

Previously, some of my readers prompted me to investigate the Diageo/Hotline poll.  After doing so, one of my readers suggested I pursue the matter further, so I decided to write the following letter:

…

To the employees and ownership of RealClearPolitics.com,

The RealClearPolitics National Average is arguably the most trusted polling compilation in the country.  It is both a valuable resource of information and highly influential over public opinion of the nature and condition of the presidential race.  It is for this reason that I believe it worthy of intervention should its integrity be impugned.  Being such, I have developed concern since it has come to my attention that one of the polls included in the average is conducted by a company whose stated interests conflict directly with the desire to conduct polling in a scientific manner, continually presents improbable data, has questionable ties including lobbying, and gives all impressions of partiality.

The poll in question is referred to as the Diageo/Hotline Daily Tracker Poll – named after two groups that sponsor it, Diageo and Hotline of the National Journal.  The company which conducts the actual polling is known as Financial Dynamics – an international financial consulting firm.

The poll has consistently generated extraneous outliers which invariably benefit the Democratic ticket and compromise aggregate data. The large majority of the disparate data occurs in general election daily polls and on economic questions.  For example, roughly a week ago both Rasmussen, one of the most credible polls in the country, and Diageo/Hotline polled the question, “Who would better handle the economy?” Rasmussen had McCain at 49% and Obama at 45%, while Diageo/Hotline had McCain at 36% and Obama at 47%.

Demonstrating that Obama is superior on the economy seems to be a recurring theme for Diageo/Hotline.

Currently, Diageo/Hotline has a question in which voters are asked to compare two short statements regarding the source of our economic trouble – one from McCain, one from Obama. Diageo/Hotline altered Obama’s statement to include a reference to Bush not present in the original speech. According to Diageo/Hotline, 46% of voters agree with Obama’s altered statement and only 31% with McCain’s.

Since the beginning of this month, all of the organizations you are using (at the moment I type this) to acheive your polling average have shown McCain with a lead in one of their polls at least once – except Diageo/Hotline. These organizations include:

Rasmussen
Gallup
NY Times
CBS News
CNN
Opinion Research
Battleground Research
ABC News
Washington Post
Ipsos

In fact, Diageo/Hotline hasn’t shown McCain in the lead once since the general election began on June 3rd. Considering the small sample size (300 daily) and high volatility of Diageo/Hotline’s general numbers, the closeness of the race, and certain events that gave McCain an edge, this is highly improbable.

It is difficult not to conclude that Diageo/Hotline is promulgating erroneous data. As former pollster Paul Zannucci said after reviewing their numbers, “[T]hey are definitely producing skewed results, but are they doing it intentionally?”

In 2005, Financial Dynamics acquired a PR firm/Lobbying group currently known as Dittus Communications. Dittus’s purpose in Financial Dynamics is unchanged since before its inclusion: It PR’s and lobbies for both corporate and political interests. From the company’s website:

In the summer of 1993, Gloria Dittus founded The Dittus Group, pursuing a vision of serving clients by melding her grassroots experience and her years in corporate communications and public relations. She envisioned a communications shop that was different from the rest – one that delivered policy victories as well as market conquests.

…

Today, FD Dittus serves national and international clients, with its primary focus on public affairs. We work daily with the journalists who cover the issues, the policy-makers who oversee industry and the thought leaders who influence the outcomes. FD Dittus is best known for delivering legislative and regulatory victories for clients on some of the most controversial issues facing the business community, ranging from obesity, terrorism insurance and media ownership to seatbelt safety, homeland security and trade relations with China.

The company is still being operated (under Financial Dynamics) by its founder Gloria Dittus. Both she and her company are deeply entrenched with numerous political interests and important policy makers in Washington. Many of the political interests which employ Dittus are aligned with the goal of a Democratic victory in November. Indeed, if her political donations and event schedule are any indication, she too, appears aligned with this goal. On May 19th, 2008, she hosted a party for “Madame Speaker”, a book celebrating Nancy Pelosi – in her home.

Of course, the management of Financial Dynamics would have to be complicit in releasing information to aid Democratic political interests.  I have researched the contributions given by the management team (excluding Gloria Dittus) of Financial Dynamics and found the following:

Money given to Democrats by management:

$18,900 given by Ed Reilly (CEO)

$16,700 given by Declan Kelly (Chairman, U.S. and Ireland)

$5,600 given by Paul Keary (Director of development)

$4,600 given by Gordon McCourn (Vice Chairman, Senior Director)

$4,600 given by John Quinn (CFO)

$2,500 given by Neil Dhillon (Senior Vice President)

$2,300 given by Sarabjit Walia (CEO)

$1,500 given by Christine Mohrmann (Industrials)

$750 given by Raoul Bhavnani (Consulting Services)

$500 given by Jeannine Dowling (Senior Vice President)

Money given to Republicans by management:

NONE.

Indeed, in 26 years of operation, out of over 1,000 current and past hired employees, only one employee has given to the other side of the aisle.  Mr. Wild gave $250 to John McCain in 1999, a year in which Democrats were rooting for McCain to knock out Bush in the primaries.  It leads one to wonder what sort of questions come up in the company’s job interviews.

The regions the company operates in are diverse, and its employees are primarily involved in finance – a profession that disproportionately attracts Republicans. The odds of such a political makeup with a decent sized company as Financial Dynamics arriving by chance are significantly less than 1%.

In conclusion, it is highly unethical for Financial Dynamics to conduct polling meant to inform public opinion on political entities while simultaneously being employed to influence public opinion by political entities. It is highly questionable for such an unusually partisan corporation to claim to conduct an unbiased poll. Ethical problems aside, it is statistically improbable that the numbers given by the poll are accurate.  For these reasons, I ask that you disabuse the public and the integrity of RealClearPolitics.com of this questionable data.

Your loyal reader,

Fred Shelm

9/24/08

Major Campaign Issue: Does John McCain have a dog?

I saw this video a few months ago. In retrospect, it seems completely prescient. Attacking John McCain (and Palin – especially Palin) on random unrelated tangents seems to be the norm for Obama’s campaign.

No death threats in 6 days: What am I doing wrong?

Ever since this little blog’s inception, I’ve always received a steady supply of death threats from Obama Supporters.  From those first memorable three to grace my inbox after my first article, I have looked forward to reading new threats on my life every day.  However, since Sunday, I have received none.  In fact, ever since the Republican National Convention, I have received very few.  I have three separate theories for this:

A.  I am being ineffective in my criticisms of Obama and his supporters, (at least, less effective than I was when I received death threats more frequently),  and thus, angering fewer Obama Supporters into threatening me.

B.  Obama Supporters are too busy trying to destroy Palin to send me new threats.

C.  The Democrats got a bill through legalizing marijuana without me noticing, and the Obama Supporters are capitalizing on this new freedom.

Any other blog authors experience a similiar phenomenon?

Kathleen Sibelius discovers secret Obama code.

It was just a normal press conference and Kathleen Sibelius was busy informing us that Obama is black:

“Have any of you noticed that Barack Obama is part African-American? That may be a factor. All the code language, all that doesn’t show up in the polls. And that may be a factor for some people.”

Then, suddenly, a voice from behind the curtain rang out, “Kathleen, no! Don’t tell them about the code!”

Before anyone knew what had happened, black helicopters sprang up from behind a grassy knoll and men wearing all black jumped out and took Kathleen away.

What did she mean, “code language”? I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I approached a friend of mine who knew her well, asking him what she meant. He explained:

“She was referring to the secret code Republicans are using. Every time they use a magic secret code to remind people that Obama is black, it causes people to not vote for him.”

It didn’t make sense. I pried further:

“Wait, didn’t Kathleen herself just go out of her way to remind people Obama is black. And do voters really need to be reminded by “secret code” words to realize Obama has a dark appearance? On top of that, if these code words are “secret”, how the hell are the voters supposed to get the message? And one more thing, if these Republicans are using such powerful “code words”, why haven’t they gotten more of the vote?”

My friend was dumbfounded. He spoke haltingly, “Because, um, because, Obama is using code too! There, I said it! Are you happy now you dirty jew?”

I had no more to say to my old friend. Immediately I scoured every old video I could find of Obama giving speeches. I really didn’t know what to look for. After hours of listening to him drone on about hope and change and himself, the answer finally dawned on me:

The “uh”! Obama was using some sort of Morse-like “uh” code! After several hours of pattern checking, I discovered the following sequence:

Uh, uh….uh….uh, uh, uh….uh……..uh….uh, uh, uh….uh, uh, uh, uh….uh, uh

This exact sequence repeats OVER and OVER, whenever Obama isn’t using a teleprompter. After several more hours of code-breaking, I noticed that the frequency of the uh’s multiplied the span between them relative to the fraction of the total sequence gave small integer numerical values which correlated to certain letters. Put all together, the above pattern translates into:

“Vote for me, you idiot.”

So our Democratic friends are right – the entire election hinges entirely on secret subliminal messages sent by candidates to secretly hypnotize people into voting for them and informing them that Obama is black. One question remains – whose secret code language magic hypnotism words are better, McCain’s or Obama’s?

(Obama Supporters, this is satire.)

Prediction: McCain wins by a 51.3% majority.

Of course, I’ll be happy to be correct just on the part about McCain winning.

I think I’m feeling particularly confident in my predictions this election season for three reasons:

1. Unlike 2004, I’ve got access to a lot of inside information.

2. I haven’t been wrong yet in any of my predictions. For example, I predicted in my article “Obamyth Threshold” that Obama’s support would fall apart shortly after the conventions.

3. Sarah Palin.

 

What’s your prediction?

New Obama Attack: Palin hoarding X chromosomes.

The following email came to me this morning from an important staffer in the Obama campaign:

Damnit Fred! I specifically asked you not to post any of my email in your blog and you posted the whole thing! Don’t you ever do that again you Jewish bastard! Meh, who am I kidding. I should have known you’d do that. Anyways, since Obama seems intent on making a fool of himself anyways, I suppose it doesn’t matter. So, I guess it’s ok for you to use the info I give you about the Obama campaign. Just tell your readers my name is M. Klorveskinson, actually, make that Mike K. With that out of the way, I got the data you wanted, and I think you’ll be interested to know about something that happened recently.

It all started on Monday as we sat around a big conference table. In attendance was Barack, Michelle, Axelrod, myself, and several other staffers – Biden was out drinking again. Obama had just upgraded my job – so not only did I play inspirational music whenever he entered a room, but I also hit the play button for the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey whenever he had an idea. As a result, I was feeling giddy. The others were not. The newest poll numbers came in, and they were bad. Obama was down, McCain was up – big. Something had to be done.

“This is ridiculous. I can’t believe our last attack on Palin backfired,” muttered Axelrod as he banged his head against the table.

“I can’t believe it either. And the press loved my newest attack!” Obama moaned.

“…and I was so proud this time,” Michelle whined.

“Is there any hope left for us?” Obama seemed on the edge of tears. I had to intervene.

“Well, there’s your slogan: Hope. You still have that. Besides, there’s got to be other ways to attack her. She may have two X chromosomes, but she’s not unassailable,” I offered, trying to be helpful.

“What was that?” Obama seemed to perk up.

“Uh, she’s not unassailable?”

“No, the other part, about the chlorophones.”

“Chromosomes you mean…..She has two of them…..why do you ask?”

“Hit the play button.”

“Why, you’re already entered the room, besides aren’t you getting kind of tired of Chariots of Fire?”

“No, the music for when I am thinking! Do it now!” Obama was almost shouting. I hit the play button and the music started.

“She’s got two X chromosomes…….so she’s a mutant! We finally got ‘er! I’m a genius!” Obama declared.

“Ooh! Ooh! We can play a class warfare angle on this! We can say she’s hoarding them – a clear indication that she’s out of touch. This is way better than McCain’s wife having a bunch of houses!” Axelrod was almost standing on his chair. He loved class warfare themes.

“Wait, how many X chromosomes are needed to live?” Michelle asked, before going back to pulling the wings off a butterfly.

“Good question, let’s ask a scientist,” Axelrod answered.

“Ok, what do they look like?” Michelle asked.

“Uh, I can answer that question”, a brave young aide said, “Technically, a human being only needs one, and we call those that have one mal—”

“Stop right there. Thanks, that’s all we needed to know. You, freckled aide with the glasses, go write a speech for Obama.” Axelrod seemed pleased with himself. The interrupted aide looked troubled.

Thirty minutes passed while we waiting for the aide to return with the speech. It wasn’t long before it was loaded up into the teleprompters installed onto the table to allow Obama to participate in the discussions. Obama gleefully read it over once, then began his first run-through:

“My fellow Americans, we have engaged in a spirited debate over many important issues with our opponents, Sarah Palin and the old guy. I would have loved to have continued the race in this manner except that my campaign has uncovered a terrible secret about Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin has kept this terrible secret for years now and her campaign failed to discover it in the vetting process. Sarah is a mutant! She probably has fangs and tentacles! She even smells like…..”

“That’s not going to work, here let me change it from the fifth sentence down,” Axelrod interjected. He grabbed the page from the teleprompters and Obama’s face returned to its normal blank expression. He scribbled on a few times then put it back into the teleprompter.

“Start from the fifth line.” Axelrod commanded. Obama obeyed.

“It has come to our attention that Sarah Palin is hoarding an inordinate number of chromosomes. In fact, she has five less than the number of houses John McCain’s wife has. She could have only gotten these extraneous chromosomes by oppressing the poor in order to exploit their labors. However, my plan as president will include a special taxation for the wealthiest 50% of those owning X chromosomes, forcing them to redistribute them to those less fortunate.”

“That’s much better. We’re ready for show time,” Axelrod was pumped.

“There’s just one more thing I got to do, before I finally win this thing. I’ve got to gloat.” Obama was giddy.

“Oh god, please not to her. Barry you promised me you’d stop calling her!” Michelle stopped momentarily from crushing a kitten with her heels to protest Obama’s apparent decision.

“Relax, this is the last time,” Obama reassured.

Obama left the room with an aide lugging his mobile teleprompter. I ran quickly to the next room to hit the play button as he entered. Obama grabbed the phone and dialed.

“Hello?” A voice answered.

“Hi. Hillary, it’s me, Obama.”

“Damnit Barry, why do you always insist on calling me at 3am!? It was just an ad, not meant to be taken as the literal time that people call when in distress.”

“I’m not in distress this time. I’m going to beat Sarah Palin and the old guy. I found out Sarah Palin has two X chromosomes!”

“And?” Hillary was not impressed.

“AND?! Didn’t you just hear me! She’s hoarding them! And, uh, she’s a mutant!”

That was all I could bear. I went back to the conference room and told another staffer to hit play when Obama reentered. Then I went to the lounge and waited. It wasn’t long before I heard the all-too familiar commotion in the conference room. So, with coffee in hand, I rejoined the meeting, only to find Obama in the fetal position.

“We were so close…..Why! WHY SARAH PALIN! WHY!” Obama was losing it.

“I hate to be the optimist in this campaign of hope, but thank god for Hillary. She just saved us from another embarrassment. Besides Obama, you can still use your attack on Palin. You just need to make it more subtle. Try using words like “lipstick” or “that thing that smells like fish” to describe her instead of calling her by name,” I suggested.

“Really?”

“Yea, and I just thought of a new slogan for you too.”

The rest is history.

(Obama Supporters, this is satire.)

Inside the Republican strategy: Countering Obama’s sexism

Obama just compared Sarah Palin to a pig when he said, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”.

Naturally, any decent human being would be outraged by such a statement. It’s understandable to get angry and call for McCain to respond with equal vitriol in a snappy response to Obama. Understandable, but would it be smart? No.

Try looking back a few months ago. Obama was up in the polls, still enjoying his post-nomination bounce, while McCain seemed to be struggling to keep up. Obama released a myriad of unfair attacks against McCain daily. If there was one cry in the Republican party, it was, “John, fight back!” But John McCain never responded in kind.

Now, McCain is on top in a dominating position with a powerfully transformative new VP at his side. What happened?

1. Palin. McCain tricked Obama into picking a weak vp by forcing the experience argument. McCain then turned around and picked a strong vp by comparison.

2. Little jabs. Ads like “The One” and “Celebrity” were little jabs at Obama, not big attacks, but they developed a theme. They eroded Obama’s lead to nil going into the conventions.

3. Overexposure. According to pew research, 48% of Americans feel they are hearing too much about Obama. Compare that to only 26% who feel the same about McCain. Incidentally, Obama’s biggest selling point was his “newness”. By allowing Obama to hog the spotlight, McCain let Obama to undercut his own message.

None of these strategies required McCain to make a large public attack on Obama, and they WORKED.

With the race effectively changed forever by the introduction of Sarah Palin, the new Republican strategy will look like this:

1. McCain will highlight Obama’s, the Media’s and the far-left’s attacks on Palin, but they won’t allow it to become a central theme of their campaign. Palin is not a victim, and the McCain campaign isn’t going to market her as such. Nevertheless, drawing attention to the some of the most outrageous attacks on her, especially ones that can be traced to Obama, will expose the intellectual and emotional weakness of his ideology.

2. Little jabs. Expect a continuation of this theme from the pre-Palin election cycle.

3. Limit Palin’s direct exposure. The American public is hungry to learn more about Palin. McCain will keep this hunger in suspense, and not risk making Obama’s error, by controlling the venues that Palin speaks in. This will keep the excitement she now enjoys high through election day.

4. September/October surprise. Sorry, can’t talk about this one in detail. Let me just say this – Obama’s got something big coming his way, and he’s not going to like it. McCain and Palin are just getting started.

I understand the impulse to attack back against the slanders coming towards the world’s most famous mother of five, but one must remember – the real goal and best possible response for McCain and Palin is to win.

Palin answers many questions.

Scare the wits out of the MSM? Palin.
Attract even more Hillary supporters to McCain? Palin.
Rally the GOP base? Palin.
Attack Obama brilliantly in front of 40 million people? Palin.
Heal the damaged GOP brand? Palin.

Push Obama over the edge, making him attack foolishly? Palin.
Accrue large new sums of cash for McCain? Palin.
Live the American dream? Palin.
Inject new life into a weary campaign? Palin.
Never give up, even when they go for your kids? Palin.

A tribute to Sarah Palin, who, along with John McCain, has made me proud to be a Republican again.